Queer in Asia

Introduction

It hurts when my queer friends tell me I’ve been brainwashed by Christianity.

Unfortunately for me, it also stings when my Christian friends tell me that they “love the sinner, but hate the sin”.

To be a queer Christian is to be stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I am a paradox. A riddle that cannot be easily parsed.

Thankfully for me, I found my tribe 7 years ago.

After spending 10 years in a evangelical megachurch, and 3 years in a Presbyterian church, I finally found Free Community Church (FCC), Singapore’s only openly queer affirming church.

It’s where, in my very diverse cell group made up of both straight and queer people, young and old, male and female and those in between, I found my chosen family.

I forged close friendships with the straight family comprising a dad, a mom, and their two kids that welcomed me into their home for a New Year’s gathering when I was alone after my first major breakup.

I spent countless hours late into the night chatting on Telegram with my trans friend on queer theology, with me learning about their Catholic faith, and them being incredulous about what Protestants believe.

I confided in my buddies (one a panromantic demisexual, the other a bi asexual) about my various crushes, girlfriends, and subsequent heartaches with great candour. 

Online family

These days, Gen Z and Gen Alpha have it easier. 

On Tik Tok, Bible scholars like Dan McClellan and Mattie Mae Motl speak about how the Bible does not condemn homosexuality nor the transgender identity.

On YouTube, Free Community Church streams their Sunday services live every week, allowing those who aren’t able to make it to the physical location to partake in a progressive and queer-affirming sermon every week.

On Discord, there exists at least one trans Christian community that I used to be more active on, allowing those in marginalised communities to gather and discuss topics close to their hearts.

These were all non-existent when I was in my early 20s, figuring out how to live a queer Christian life pleasing to God.

Instead, I drank in the books and blogposts of gay Christians from the US and UK of all stripes. 

I wrestled with the Side A stance of Justin Lee and Matthew Vines, who believe that God is okay with having a same-sex orientation and same-sex relationships.

I resonated with Side B Christians like Wesley Hill and Eve Tushnet, who believe that while God is okay with them being gay, God doesn’t approve of same-sex relationships nor same-sex sex.

Somehow, I ended up in the company of Side X Christians, like how Alan Chambers once was, a proponent of ex-gay theology.

Digital refuge

Unable to find a single gay Christian to talk to in my evangelical megachurch of 30,000 people, I joined Choices, a support group for same-sex attracted Christians.

Some people call them “conversion therapy”, they say that they provide “reparative therapy”, but all I knew was that I’ve finally found my people.

It was there I found my first welcoming queer community.

It was there I found my safe space.

It was there I found my friends that were just like me.

Finally, I could speak openly about my difficulties, my struggles, my desires, and be met with complete understanding and great compassion.

I think people don’t realise that for conservative Christians, FCC is not the natural alternative.

When I first stepped into FCC one Easter roughly a decade ago, I was discombobulated. Their theology was so foreign, so alien, so abhorrent, I could not accept it.

Fortunately for me, conversion therapy was a stepping stone to progressive theology. I wrote about it in more detail in my book, Fearfully & Wonderfully Made: Stories from Conversion Therapy Survivors in Singapore, that you can check out to find out. All the trigger warnings apply.

In any case, I am thankful for the meandering journey God has brought me on. For God’s ways are infinitely higher than my ways. God certainly has a keen sense of humour. That I cannot deny.

The oppressed becomes the oppressor

I don’t know why God’s people are so cruel to queer people.

All I know is that I’ve found God to be infinitely good, perfectly faithful, and very patient indeed.

In all my wanderings, God has been there.

It makes sense for queer people to hate Christians, whether in Singapore, or all across the world.

The actions of Christians can seem tyrannical, they can seem illogical, but ultimately (whether consciously or unconsciously), it stems from a distorted picture of what God is like.

They believe that God would be cruel to, and judge the “deviant”, so they naturally behave the same way.

Conversely, I believe God is good to everyone, so I forgive my queer friends for their cruelty, for they know not what they do.

I’ve got a friend who is an out and proud lesbian, but a closeted Christian. She did not tell any of her queer friends when she became a Christian for fear of ridicule and judgement. 

I happen to be in the strange Venn diagram where I occupied both “queer” and “Christian” circles, so she confided in me.

It is unfortunate when the oppressed becomes the oppressor. But I suppose that’s just how history is. That’s just how the wheel turns.

This Easter, I’m headed back to FCC to see my old friends and experience the joy of being fully known and fully loved, in a church that embraces all of my imperfect self.

I do not know what the future holds for a generation of closeted queer evangelicals growing up in conservative households. 

But one thing I know for sure.

There will always be community if one reaches out.

You will find your chosen family – all you have to do is to step out of what is familiar.

I spent 13 years of my Christian life suffocating. I carried my cross so hard, it almost ended up taking my life. 

Today, I can finally breathe free, and I am grateful for Free Community Church for making that happen. 

Happy Easter my friends.

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