Introduction
Lady Jasmine* (not their real name), identifies as a demigender biromantic greysexual who resides in Jakarta, Indonesia.
Having had crushes on female characters in books and movies, they first realised they were bisexual at 15 when they had their first same-sex crush. According to them, it was an “aha moment” that came with a rush of enthusiasm.
Interesting facts about Indonesia
Raised as a Muslim, they now see themselves as an agnostic open to different spiritual practices, and believe in the existence of a higher power.
A fun fact unknown to many is that atheism is illegal in Indonesia.
In the Pancasila state ideology, atheism has been prohibited since 1966 and blasphemy laws are strictly enforced.
According to Lady Jasmine, they note that “there are six recognised religions we have to choose and register as followers of”, which are namely, Islam, Protestantism, Catholicism, Buddhism, Hinduism, and Confucianism.
Interestingly, the freedom of religion only exists for those belonging to these prescribed religions.
In addition, the religion an individual subscribes to will be included on their national ID cards, and Lady Jasmine notes that it “will determine everything from our rights to where we will be buried.”
Queer in Indonesia: Getting harder by the day
When asked about what it is like being queer in Indonesia, they note that “being queer in Indonesia is unnecessarily hard.”
They explain that they “have always been a confident person who feels no shame about my identity, yet this situation forced them to ‘tone down’ for the sake of survival.”
According to Lady Jasmine, they noted that “back in the 1990s, Indonesia was much more open-minded than it is now.”
In fact, they “first learned about queerness from local television, where queer-coded characters and entertainers were common and accepted.”
They point out that they first learnt about the meaning of the word ‘gay’ from their mother.
“Gay is a man who is dating another man, like Uncle G,” their mom stated.
Uncle G was a family friend and they point out that their mother’s relaxed attitude toward the question reflects how it was back then. In the past, they said, “queer people may not be able to come out in the open, but society knew that they existed and let them be”.
Letting go of organised religion
Lady Jasmine shared that even though there were many reasons why they chose to let go of any organised religion, a defining one would be:
“If I cannot be free in my physical form, at least let me be free in my mind.”
They revealed that they had never seen their queerness as a mistake as it felt like something “natural and inherent, just like my own hands and feet”.
Even when they later learnt about queerness being considered a sin, they did not feel any immediate shame about it.
In a conservative climate, they had to hide their queer identity for several years, but deep inside, they knew who they were and who they were attracted to.
Joining a queer Muslim organisation
While living and working in Singapore from 2019 – 2025, Lady Jasmine became actively involved with a queer Muslim organisation called Quasa.
They appreciated “how the narrative that was encouraged in Quasa was one of self-acceptance and life preservation first, according to the guidance of the sharia, instead of ‘coming out first’ as often encouraged by secular or Western queer spaces.”
They added that Quasa taught them to emphasise “one’s relationship with the self and the Creator before seeking external validation from others.”
“This was a really valuable time for me,” they said, as “it has allowed me to explore and accept my queer identity and even encouraged me to finally be out to people I trust.”
Navigating queerness in Indonesia
When asked if there was a favourite queer or queer-friendly space they patronise in Jakarta, they said that “unfortunately, due to safety reasons”, they have to “avoid visiting queer spaces in Indonesia” – at least until they “know how to do it safely”.
In fact, when they moved back to Jakarta from Singapore in the middle of 2025, there was a panic on social media as queer books like Red, White, and Royal Blue and Yaoi manga – disappeared from online bookstores in Indonesia.
According to Lady Jasmine, they shared that there were rumours swirling about the authorities raiding the ports for shipments of queer fiction and bookstore owners being under threats from “the above” to take down their queer book listings.
They found it stressful to have to find a way to safely ship their personal queer book collection back to Jakarta. They contacted friends and learnt tricks to “smuggle” forbidden books, which was “a skill everyone growing up under the Soeharto dictatorship has to master”. They declined to share their methods, but said that “the books made it safely to Jakarta”.
Queer Film Festival Raided
When asked about queer joy and pain, Lady Jasmine gave two really poignant examples.
They noted that back when they were in university and deep in the closet, they volunteered with the Q! Film Festival, an annual LGBTQ themed movie festival held across various locations in Indonesia such as Jakarta, Bandung, and Denpasar.
They mentioned that they enjoyed it as they “got to do tasks like emceeing a showcase, and also ushering guests.”
Unfortunately, the event had to be cancelled midway as some venues were raided by religious hardliners. They mentioned that the organising committee contacted all volunteers when it happened and gave them the option to continue volunteering or the freedom to quit.
They had to quit after the raids made the news, and said that “it still gives me chills today to think that I was this close to experiencing them.”
Finding Queer Joy
Moving on to something more joyful.
Even when Lady Jasmine was in the closet, they had always worn things that were “bisexual-coded”, such as cuffed jeans or sporting a bisexual bob haircut.
Years later as an adult, they find it amusing to note that it was almost like their “subconscious made these queer-affirming decisions even before I had the words for it.”
In addition, when they came out to some family members and friends, most of them reacted with, “Yeah we know.” They had apparently given off ‘vibes’, even when they did not realise it.
On queer persecution in Indonesia
When asked about their hopes for the future as a queer person in Jakarta, they responded that “honestly, (they) don’t have very high hopes”.
They acknowledged that “we’re very far from being fully accepting”, and quipped that, “at this point, I just wish that they’d just leave us alone. Like, don’t even look this way.”
Their views are understandable given the spate of recent news on queer persecution in Indonesia such as the bill to ban LGBTQ+ content online, the caning of gay men in Banda Aceh, and the arrests of men at a private gathering in Jakarta – all of which have had chilling effects on the LGBTQ+ population in Indonesia.
Favourite queer books
For Lady Jasmine, the most life-defining queer fiction was the Tokyo Babylon manga series by CLAMP. It was like nothing they’d ever seen before and blends elements of magic with urban life, and created characters with a complex emotional landscape. Most importantly, the series features “the most tragic (yet delicious) queer couple (that) CLAMP has ever created.”
In addition, they are also a big fan of KJ Charles. She writes compelling historical queer romances (often mixed with fantasy or murder mysteries) that are filled with nuanced characters. Lady Jasmine found Unfit to Print and The Secret Lives of Country Gentlemen among some of KJ Charles’ best works.
In addition, if one is looking for books about wizards and witches that do not belong to The Franchise That Must Not Be Named, they recommend KJ Charles’ Magpie Lord series of books.
Turning to non-fiction, Sounds Fake but Okay: An Asexual and Aromantic Perspective on Love, Relationships, Sex, and Pretty Much Anything Else by podcasters Sarah Costello and Kayla Kaszyca was a book that really shifted Lady Jasmine’s worldview.
They recommend it as a self-help book for aro-ace readers, encouraging them to challenge the “should” of society that cloud our judgement, helping them live more authentically.
To our readers who can read Bahasa Indonesian, they also recommend Queer Menafsir by Amar Alfikar, which discusses his experiences as a transman. According to Lady Jasmine, the book explores “a more queer-affirming interpretation of Islamic teachings written in a warm and intimate style”.
Discovering their identity
In fact, it was through reading “tons of books on asexuality”, including the one recommended above, that allowed them to discover the identity they currently identify with.
The asexual part of their queer identity was something that they “only discovered at 35, after coming out as bisexual”.
At that time, they had “a very limited understanding of what asexuality was, and thought that there was no way” they could be one as they were “attracted to people of the same and different genders”.
It was only after reading extensively about what asexuality was about that “many things just clicked”. Aegosexuality was “the first label” they identified with, but they eventually came to see themselves as more of a greysexual.
They note that “of all my queer identities, asexuality was the one hardest to accept”. They acknowledge that they had prejudices against asexuality despite experiencing it themselves.
Conclusion
When asked for words of advice they would give to a younger queer person in Indonesia, this is what they had to say:
“Be truthful about who you are, as an honourable life is not built upon lies. Also, learn to smuggle books.”
– Lady Jasmine
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